January 2 (written on the 3rd)

Last night after I visited Dad, I was ready to dance a jig! It was a really good visit. I hadn't been able to get in for the morning or afternoon visit, because I had to work, but I was able to make it in at 8:30. When I got there, Mom informed me that she had spoken with a specialist from the sixth floor (as opposed to the fourth floor where we have been for almost a month now), because they're looking to move Dad up there sometime in the next few days. Woo hoo! I think this is the step I've been waiting for--to get him out of CICU and into his own room. The person Mom spoke with said that it is still going to be a looooonnnnnggggg and slow road to recovery, but the very fact that they are trying to move him out of CICU indicates that he is very much on the right road. The reason they have opted to move him to the sixth floor is that they have pulmonary specialists there, and Dad will still need to be on oxygen for a little while yet. But up on the sixth floor they will be able to begin weaning him off of the ventilator, continuing the work they've started doing in CICU. Yesterday for a little while they had him on what's known as a trache collar (or oxygen collar), which Mom described as a small bottle attached to his trache tube. They also said that if he has to be on the trache much longer, they will begin teaching him how to speak around it. So at least we'll be able to communicate a little better! They've also been having him sit in a chair for a few hours each day. When I went in on Saturday he was in the chair, and really didn't like it. I think part of the problem is the fact that he has such long legs, and they're practically doubled over in the chair. But the nurse, Carole, said that when they try to sit him more upright, which would give his legs more room, he just slumps back down. She said that all the patients do this, not just Dad, and she has never figured out why! Apparently he was less agitated in the chair yesterday than he had been in previous days, so I think he's getting acclimated to it.

After getting all the updates from Mom, I went over to Dad's bed. He was awake (they have him no longer connected to the fentanyl drip, but have him on a patch for it) and smiled when he saw me. I went to hold his hand and he gave it a nice squeeze and stroked it with his thumb. This was the most responsive I have seen him since the first weekend, so it was absolutely wonderful! He really was very alert, and was watching everything going on around him. I mentioned that they have a tongue depressor taped to his bed, and he tried to turn his head to see it. I think he's getting VERY sick of being in bed. He kept shifting his legs around, from side to side and then bending his knees a bit. And he scratched an itch on his leg at one point (which kind of surprised me--I wonder how much he really is able to feel at this point, if an itch was bothering him--is he in any pain?). I asked him if he was uncomfortable and he nodded "yes" and looked a little exasperated. A little later I was standing there stroking his head, and it occurred to me (as it has before) that it might be driving him nuts--especially since we can only reach the top of his head without lifting it off the pillow! I asked him if it was bothering him, and he kind of got a strange look on his face, as if unsure how to answer. So I said "a little bit, maybe?" and he nodded and mouthed "a little." I think he enjoys the human contact, but at the same time he's NOT a cat, and doesn't need to be petted constantly. And unlike my cats, he can't get up an walk away when he's sick of it! I know all of these things seem like such small things, but after three weeks of him being all dopey and unresponsive, any little bit helps! The big drawback to him being more alert is that I HATE to leave him! I gave him several kisses before I left and then he motioned to Mom that he wanted a kiss from her. She commented that she's scared to kiss him for fear of getting him sick somehow, but as she leaned in to give him a kiss, I saw him mouth "I'm not!" so it's quite clear that he's feeling better. That was such a Dad thing to say, that it really cheered me up.

This was definitely the best visit I've had so far. I know it's still going to be a long time before he's back to normal, but I really finally feel like he's going to be OK. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for me now. And boy is that a good feeling!